TMUTS ADVICE COLUMN



 

Last night I received a phone call from my niece asking for advice.  I thought the question was so important that I wanted to share it with you.

 

Q:  What do you say to your best friend after witnessing her get physically beaten by the live-in boyfriend of eight (8) years, "her baby daddy".

WELL,

--First thing you can do for yourself and for your friend is:

To be honest with whatever you say.

 

--Secondly, you should explore your own feeling of how it made you feel witnessing this act and consider these emotions before going to her.  Get your own head and heart straight.  Then ask yourself, "Can you talk to her?"  "Is she open for conversation and will she listen?"

 

--Thirdly, after you consider the first and second items, ask "Is she willing to talk to you" and if she said yes, then:  you can pose a few questions, not really expecting an answer unless she is willing to talk. 

The questions are for her to ponder and consider for herself.  She must understand and consider her own self-worth.

 

Questions to ask:

            * Whether he has done this before and if she is afraid of him?

            * Whether she wants to leave and if she needs help in doing so?

            * Whether she fels she deserves to be treated this way?

            * What message is she sending her male child and how it will affect his life now and in the future.

            * Is there anything you can do?

            

Most of all, let her know you love her and care about what happens to her.

Let her know that you are there for her.

Even though she is your friend in an abusive relationship, unless she wants to do something about it, "You cannot".

 

You may not be able to change things, however, you can walk away knowing that you did try to help and most of all she will know that she has "options".

 

TMUTS says:  "you can't do anything for people if they are not willing to do it for themselves".

 

"TMUTS®" = "Things Momma Used to Say"